Online Dating/Generation Tinder
I think it was back in 2014 when I was in Bali, trying to get back the money that was stolen from me that I found myself feeling rather lonely and bored. In a local expat forum, I made a post in which I said I'm looking for an activity partner to hang out with. It seems as if some guys misunderstood that and thought I was looking for some hanky-panky, so they suggested I'd use "Tinder".
I think I hadn't heard of that app until then and after a short research, I thought "Nah, this isn't what I'm looking for."
But a few months later, I did actually decide to give it a try. It was...strange.
Now I assume that most people know Tinder, but for those of you who don't, it's basically an app where you upload some pictures of yourself and can write a short text about who you are or what you're looking for (but it seems hardly anyone does or if they do, nobody reads it). Then you get to see other people's profiles and get to "swipe" left (saying no) or right (saying yes) on whether or not you want to meet them.
Is this what our society has become like now? What happened to "someone's character is more important than their look"?
Sure, it is "convenient". But let's face it: Unless you're really just looking for something shallow, superficial, it's impossible to find anyone serious here. Yet according to the few texts I saw (from the few girls who don't just post a ton of pics in sunglasses and half naked), quite a few girls actually seem to take this rather seriously.
Now I've to say, I've seen this kind of behaviour not only on Tinder, but everywhere people meet online to get to know each other.
For myself, I see dating like a job interview/a company searching.
If you're the person who is looking for someone, you describe yourself (like a company would):
Who you are
What you stand for
What you have to offer
What you're looking for
Your pros
Your cons
Then the other person ought to write what they are looking for, have to offer, etc. Only that most girls never seem to bother to actually read what you wrote. For instance, I put my name in the second sentence of my profile. You'd think people would know it, right? Well, they don't. They call me by my alias or complain that they don't even know my name.
Is this rush the result of our consumer driven society? Fast food, fast love, fast dating? No wonder people get together who are terrible matches and then won't stay together.
So back to Tinder. If you are lucky enough to get a match, you can now contact each other. Only, how do you do that? The women usually complain how the guys just write "hi" or "how are you" and demand a unique approach. Sounds fair. Only: How can you do that if the girl has NOTHING written about herself? What should you write? "Hey baby, I love how crooked your nose is, I know a good surgeon"? "Nice melons"?
And it's not like the women are very creative. I usually get a lame "Hi" or "How are you", followed by equally creative messages. It's like pulling teeth.
At this point I usually lose interest. Is it so much to expect a little effort? To not jump right to WhatsApp or some other messenger? To not meet up right away, but actually get to know each other first?
Another thing is that you're sort of age-discriminated (at least in Germany). Women seem to HATE to give a younger guy even a second glance. They seem to think every younger guy is just some "MILF-Hunter". Wow...and then women complain that men are full of prejudices or just want sex?
What happened to actually getting to know each other? I met a lot of women who were 10-15 years my senior. Some had their hang-ups or doubts. But once we met and talked, they all felt like we saw eye to eye.
It's just sad to see how this shallow way of thinking is only empowered by systems that focus merely on the superficial aspect of dating. Why not make an app where you can't see each other, but have to write a lot and really get to know each other? I mean, I know why not, because people are too lazy and thus it wouldn't sell (back to commercialism). But has dating or the eventual goal of marriage become a commodity now?
The saying goes that "nothing worth having comes easy". So why should it be any different with dating or relationships? It's really a shame...and I'd prefer to swipe left on that concept.
I think I hadn't heard of that app until then and after a short research, I thought "Nah, this isn't what I'm looking for."
But a few months later, I did actually decide to give it a try. It was...strange.
Now I assume that most people know Tinder, but for those of you who don't, it's basically an app where you upload some pictures of yourself and can write a short text about who you are or what you're looking for (but it seems hardly anyone does or if they do, nobody reads it). Then you get to see other people's profiles and get to "swipe" left (saying no) or right (saying yes) on whether or not you want to meet them.
Is this what our society has become like now? What happened to "someone's character is more important than their look"?
Sure, it is "convenient". But let's face it: Unless you're really just looking for something shallow, superficial, it's impossible to find anyone serious here. Yet according to the few texts I saw (from the few girls who don't just post a ton of pics in sunglasses and half naked), quite a few girls actually seem to take this rather seriously.
Now I've to say, I've seen this kind of behaviour not only on Tinder, but everywhere people meet online to get to know each other.
For myself, I see dating like a job interview/a company searching.
If you're the person who is looking for someone, you describe yourself (like a company would):
Who you are
What you stand for
What you have to offer
What you're looking for
Your pros
Your cons
Then the other person ought to write what they are looking for, have to offer, etc. Only that most girls never seem to bother to actually read what you wrote. For instance, I put my name in the second sentence of my profile. You'd think people would know it, right? Well, they don't. They call me by my alias or complain that they don't even know my name.
Is this rush the result of our consumer driven society? Fast food, fast love, fast dating? No wonder people get together who are terrible matches and then won't stay together.
So back to Tinder. If you are lucky enough to get a match, you can now contact each other. Only, how do you do that? The women usually complain how the guys just write "hi" or "how are you" and demand a unique approach. Sounds fair. Only: How can you do that if the girl has NOTHING written about herself? What should you write? "Hey baby, I love how crooked your nose is, I know a good surgeon"? "Nice melons"?
And it's not like the women are very creative. I usually get a lame "Hi" or "How are you", followed by equally creative messages. It's like pulling teeth.
At this point I usually lose interest. Is it so much to expect a little effort? To not jump right to WhatsApp or some other messenger? To not meet up right away, but actually get to know each other first?
Another thing is that you're sort of age-discriminated (at least in Germany). Women seem to HATE to give a younger guy even a second glance. They seem to think every younger guy is just some "MILF-Hunter". Wow...and then women complain that men are full of prejudices or just want sex?
What happened to actually getting to know each other? I met a lot of women who were 10-15 years my senior. Some had their hang-ups or doubts. But once we met and talked, they all felt like we saw eye to eye.
It's just sad to see how this shallow way of thinking is only empowered by systems that focus merely on the superficial aspect of dating. Why not make an app where you can't see each other, but have to write a lot and really get to know each other? I mean, I know why not, because people are too lazy and thus it wouldn't sell (back to commercialism). But has dating or the eventual goal of marriage become a commodity now?
The saying goes that "nothing worth having comes easy". So why should it be any different with dating or relationships? It's really a shame...and I'd prefer to swipe left on that concept.
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